Tag Archives: Personality

FROM MY CORE – ESSAY 3

FELLOWSHIP

From the time Laura and I joined Watermark Community Church and were welcomed into a community group with two other couples 5 years ago, the idea of fellowship within the Body of Christ took on new meaning, which brings me to the idea aforementioned in my previous essay…

However, because I am still building out my perspective on what might be titled “Two Distinct Spirits” — the Holy Spirit and human spirit — am going to leave that alone for now. I’m having fellowship with a specific brother in Christ about this biblical perspective, and not to mention; I might build the case for “Three Distinct Spirits” as opposed to Two.

Rather, my objective is to test whether there are any compromises (2 Cor. 13:4-6) in the structure of my spiritual fortification (Matt. 12:25-29).

Now… because the foundation to my fortification is built on Christ, there should be no way for the enemy to breach (1 Cor. 3:10-15). However, that has not always been the case for me while professing to be a Christian as you’ve might’ve learned from my previous essay, and that might be the case for you reading this now.

Are you someone who professes to be Christian and yet finds yourself in sin or a sinful lifestyle?

That is not a trick question although can see how it might be interpreted that way considering what the Bible teaches:

23 …for all [b]have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,…

Romans 3:23

And so I do NOT mean to insinuate that we can find ourselves without sin:

If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

1 John 1:8-10

Because obviously …

We sin!

But that does not mean we continue to find ourselves in sin.

Until next time…


DISCLAIMER:
Nathan Psychology: The study of oneself for righteous behavior, and my written perspective on the experiential process of edification to sanctification. What does it mean to be born of God, overcome the world, and be made new through faith in believing Jesus Christ is the way of my salvation? I’m discovering the path through spiritual discipline—

Nathan Psychology and The War Against Lust

When reading, “…the lips of an adulteress drip honey…”, two emergent thought processes take shape and form instantaneously. The first is of a worldview that symbolizes a woman’s anatomy part. The second is to stop thinking.

For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, And her speech is smoother than oil;

Proverbs 5:3

That verse is my next I die devotional, and I’m still working on it for—what might appear to be—obvious reasons. Let me be clear, how I interpreted the first part of that verse was not necessarily because I’m male; when I’d read it to my wife, she also thought what I thought without me preluding to it. So then it became about understanding the nature of why, and I asked my wife about what she experiences when ovulating. It was very enlightening to say the least and helped me better understand the why of an adulterous although not excusing the behavior nor saying my wife is an adulterous.


DISCLAIMER:
This is Nathan Psychology. What you read is my discipline of edification to sanctification. What I write is from my perspective as I learn more and more each day with you.


My experience to this war against lust is real, but to describe the nature of it I find to be challenging because I overthink. I get anxious by the idea of someone else on the other side of this screen similar to feeling anxious when face to face with a soul just as susceptible to sin as I am. Thinking on that verse, there is an enemy most attractive. But it’s not an adulteress from my point of view. The most attractive creature that rules this world is one not seen, but experienced. A snake knows how not to be seen, and while they might have aesthetic features… they’re not exactly attractive. However, the attraction of a ruler—much like a snake—is in their capacity to be ascetic (powerfully self-disciplined). An adulterous doesn’t exactly sound like someone who is self-disciplined; a person with raging hormones will cause an untamed response. The natural response to procreate can be so demanding that the experience of its intoxication will devour God given senses—unless disciplined in the fear of the Lord. That said, just because someone is self-disciplined—even appearing as though disciplined in the fear of the Lord—doesn’t mean they’re not the enemy of your soul. The ruler of this world is one that is ascetic while preying on the vulnerable.

An Update 7-14-21

What happened? I blinked, and it’s been nearly 3 weeks since I’ve posted. Time is unrelenting. You might remember a few of my *cringing* ‘public journal’ posts with a draft and revised outline as you’ll find linked below:


//DRAFT//

  • Jesus Christ is my belief structure.
    1. What does that mean? (salvation).
      1. Human soul and God.
        1. Saved by grace through faith.
        2. How does faith work?
  • I love my wife—priority.
    1. She is the core/center of my responsibilities.
      1. I need structure.
        1. Public Journal/accountability
  • Job with hours to aid me on this trajectory.
    1. Not ideal, but blessed.
      1. I work nights and days.
      2. Best option at the moment.
        1. Aim for only nights if available.
        2. Or learn how to write, like, very good!
  • Psychology Professor—Jordan Peterson.
    1. Mentor/Maps of Meaning/(biblical skeptic?)
      1. I think Jordan’s strategy to understand ‘meaning’ is awesome!
  • My personality— understand and improve.
    1. 1 Peter 3:15 (but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;)
      1. There is a hope in the personality of a believer.
        1. My personality is wild; I want to understand it.
  • Skill/s to master:
    1. Writing.
  • Goal/s…
    • Is there more than one?
      • Where is the sacred ground?
        • What is this going to do?
          • How will this be effective?
            • What is the sacrifice?
              • Will the practice, preach?
                • What does it mean?
                  • When is it time to plant?
  • The seed is to sanctify Christ as Lord in my heart.

//REVISED//

  • Jesus Christ is my belief structure.
    1. What does that mean? (salvation).
      1. Human soul and God.
        1. Saved by grace through faith.
        2. How does faith work?
  • I love my wife—priority.
    1. She is the core/center of my responsibilities.
      1. I need structure.
        1. Public Journal/accountability
  • Job with hours to aid me on this trajectory.
    1. Not ideal, but blessed.
      1. I work nights and days.
      2. Best option at the moment.
        1. Aim for only nights if available.
        2. Or learn how to write, like, very good!
  • Psychology Professor—Jordan Peterson.
    1. Mentor/Maps of Meaning/(biblical skeptic?)
      1. I think Jordan’s strategy to understand ‘meaning’ is awesome!
  • My personality— understand and improve.
    1. 1 Peter 3:15 (but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;)
      1. There is a hope in the personality of a believer.
        1. My personality is wild; I want to understand it.
  • Skill/s to master:
    1. Writing.
    2. Videography.
  • Goal/s…
    • Is there more than one?
      • Where is the sacred ground?
        • What is this going to do?
          • How will this be effective?
            • What is the sacrifice?
              • Will the practice, preach?
                • What does it mean?
                  • When is it time to plant?
  • The seed is to sanctify Christ as Lord in my heart.

If the above outline is new to you, perfect, don’t worry about investigating it. I’ll give a brief background as to why they’re relevant.

The outline dates back to December of 2020 (approximately 7 months ago). I was prepping for the typical new years resolution (2021). Judging from my outline, that wasn’t all; there was obviously much more going on with me than setting goals. I had questions. And although I didn’t realize it at the time, the heart of my outline manifested as a kind of framework. A framework that might otherwise be described as an abstract place of reference, and a compass that’s navigated me to writing this post today. In reviewing the two outlines, there’s a very miniscule, but invaluable revision.

  • Skill/s to master:
    1. Writing.
  • Skill/s to master:
    1. Writing.
    2. Videography.

Now, of course—as the mastery of any developing value system requires the discipline—I have yet to master either of these arts, but the point of the revision in my outline is the fact that I wrote those specific skills of profession down with the intention to master them. The writing them down with intention is key. And while unpaid as a writer of this site, also unpaid as a content creator uploading YouTube videos on various “experimental” (most failed) channels I’d created over the past few years; the evidence of providence that this site means to represent gives me the privilege to tell you that my foot is now in the door as a professional video editor. But hold on! I’m just getting started! It took 5 months after writing out that revised outline before becoming a paid video editor. Much has happened over the course of 7 months since that outline.

OUTLINE

  • [12/16/20] Jesus Christ is my belief structure.
    1. [12/16/20] What does that mean? (Salvation).
    1. [12/16/20] Human soul and God.
    2. [7/14/21] What is the relationship between a person’s soul and God?
      1. [12/16/20] Saved by grace through faith.
      2. [7/14/21] Featured photo of this post update is an example of my work in developing frameworks that workout abstractions and understand axioms for righteous behavior.
  • [12/16/20] How does faith work?
    • [7/14/21] This outline is proving an example of how faith works.
  • [12/16/20] I love my wife—priority.
    1. [12/16/20] She is the core/center of my responsibilities.
    2. [7/14/21] This has not changed although a much needed constant reminder.
      1. [12/16/20] I need structure.
        1. [12/16/20] Public Journal/accountability
          • [7/14/21] This post marks a good direction in structure and accountability.
  • [12/16/20] Job with hours to aid me on this trajectory.
  • [7/14/21] Trajectory of James 5:19-20
    1. [12/16/20] Not ideal, but blessed.
      1. [12/16/20] I work nights and days.
        1. [12/16/20] Best option at the moment.
        2. [12/16/20] Aim for only nights if available.
          1. [7/14/21] I’m currently working a night shift!
        3. [12/16/20] Or learn how to write, like, very good!
          1. [7/14/21] Still a work in progress, but progressive nonetheless.
  • [12/16/20] Psychology Professor—Jordan Peterson.
    1. [12/16/20] Mentor/Maps of Meaning/(biblical skeptic?)
      1. [12/16/20] I think Jordan’s strategy to understand ‘meaning’ is awesome!
  • [12/16/20] My personality— understand and improve.
    • [7/14/21]
    • Agreeableness: 85
      1. Compassion: 96
      2. Politeness: 45
    • Conscientiousness: 35
      1. Industriousness: 44
      2. Orderliness: 30
    • Extraversion: 99
      1. Enthusiasm: 96
      2. Assertiveness: 98
    • Neuroticism: 92
      1. Withdrawal: 72
      2. Volatility: 97
    • Openness to Experience: 75
      1. Intellect: 28
      2. Openness: 95
  • [12/16/20] 1 Peter 3:15 (but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;)
    1. [12/16/20] There is a hope in the personality of a believer.
    2. [7/14/21] See above…
      1. [12/16/20] My personality is wild; I want to understand it.
      2. [7/14/21] See above…
  • [12/16/20] Skill/s to master:
    1. [12/16/20] Writing.
      • [7/14/21] Still writing.
    2. [12/16/20] Videography.
      • [7/14/21] Continually developing my skill in the field – video editor.
  • [12/16/20] Goal/s…
    • [12/16/20] Is there more than one?
    • [7/14/21] Yes.
      • [12/16/20] Where is the sacred ground?
      • [7/14/21] It’s between the spoken and written Word given from the Spirit above to emerge from the soul beneath as truth.
        • [12/16/20] What is this going to do?
        • [7/14/21] …
          • [12/16/20] How will this be effective?
          • [7/14/21] Look from where you started to where you are, and analyze.
            • [12/16/20] What is the sacrifice?
              • [12/16/20] Will the practice, preach?
                • [12/16/20] What does it mean?
                  • [12/16/20] When is it time to plant?
  • [12/16/20] The seed is to sanctify Christ as Lord in my heart.

Have you outlined the heart of your vision and mission in life on this earth? If you haven’t, then let this post be a coach to you, and encourage you. Keep striving toward your goals with faith, and expect the providence of God.


RESOURCES


Relevant Posts

#HEBEROSEN!

Good morning, it’s 8:00 on the 4th of April in Dallas Tx, but 8 hours away in Jerusalem, Israel… it’s 4:00 in the afternoon! We’re waking up way behind schedule! Everyone on social media is like,

“HE IS RISEN!!!”

While the Jews in Israel *shaking heads* saying, “Americans…” “God have mercy.” Jesus is at the right hand of power … *tapping watch* … “Is this thing broken? I thought I rose hours ago?” Jesus already rose, and early that day nearly 2000 years ago, so why not we consider changing the American language of our culture, and say,

He be ROSEN!”

See now that! That has a “ring” to it! He be rosen up in dis house, you feel me! Now let me just correct the gospel real quick, Matthew 28:6 He is not here, for [He be rosen up in dis house], just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying. There! Perfect!

WE ARE FREE!!!

I mean how exciting is it to proclaim to the world our freedom from sin! Come take a look see! Matthew 28:7 And go quickly and tell His disciples that [HE BE ROSEN] from the dead; and behold, He is going ahead of you to Galilee. There you will see Him; behold, I have told you.”

SO YO!

WE HAVE THE VICTORY!

I mean Jesus gave us the victory over sin and death through the provision of a sustainable belief structure and system! How awesome is that???!!! We are no longer chained to sin that condemns us to the wrath of God unless we’ve denied the gift of our faith through Jesus Christ!


1 Corinthians 15:56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the Law; 57 but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 58 Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be firm, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. (bold/italics/underline | mine)


So since Jesus be rosen in my heart, my hope is secure as my faith produces the qualities of His attributes while I die to myself for the sake of following Jesus Christ by the truth of His gospel—repentance unto eternal life!

THAT BETTER GET YOU FIRED UP!

Man do I hope that the world will hear and believe this good news, even at the prophetic words that reveal a truth difficult to bear—not all will receive, although all will hear to bow at the truth, and yet—my hope remains even at the knowledge of the truth that reveals the end before its beginning. I recognize with growing awareness that glows a very severe and fatal warning to this gift of my salvation shared with followers of the WAY, power with which words identify the place where the unbelieving soul remains consumed by condemnation … Hell.

Am I the only one that experiences the measure and weight of such words with power to shift the conscience from the perspective of victory to a perspective of grief at the thought of loss by a people choosing their denial by faith supplied to all for salvation? No… surely not. My friend and brother of the faith Draoun can tell you all about grief! That brother has been such a tremendous encouragement to me; he understands grief at a very different level, and has helped me understand the necessary process of grieving for healing. This pain doesn’t end in our flesh, but here comes more good news!

Revelation 21:3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among the people, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, 4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” (bold/italics/underline | mine)

Here we go!

AN EMOTIONAL WAVE!

Let the wave of grief run its course as it crashes into its boundary limit just as God declared to Job!

Job 38:
“Or who enclosed the sea with doors
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
When I made a cloud its garment
And thick darkness its swaddling band,
10 And I placed boundaries on it
And set a bolt and doors,
11 And I said, ‘Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves stop’?

Bear in mind the glory of God by His grace and peace through faith in Jesus Christ our Lord!

WE BE ROSEN!

When Jesus Christ ascended into glory at the right hand of God, He brought us with Him according to faith in Him by the promise of His Word—eternal life. Therefore I pray my heart, mind, soul, and strength, keep the commandment to believe in Him for as long as He sustains me to serve our living God! Amen.

Just some journal writing, hope you experience more grace and peace in the knowledge of God and of Jesus, our Lord.

Nathan’s Public Journal | IV

Sunday, 12/20/2020

When the cleaning crew arrived, the majority are ladies, and they’re attractive.

As soon as I saw them come in to collect their keys for access; their bodies burned that red and fiery orange color that orbed around their physique, but there was something different; I could see a light brownish glow that came from their brain. This color was new, or… I didn’t recognize it before. And as they would get closer, and closer, to the security desk, that brownish color intensified to it’s darkest form.

After issuing them their keys, WarCof appears next to me and asks, “Why do you see that color?”

Ignoring WarCof, I escort them to the elevators of the second floor.

My security desk is stationed on the second floor of my building of 4; my building is located on the west wing also know as West Tower-2 (WT2). There are 24 floors to each of these 4 buildings, and they’re built perpendicular to each other: North, South, East, and West.

They were built in this way for its main attraction, which is a globe that hangs in the middle connecting each of these towers at the 12th floor.

The elevators have two sets of doors; the first set grants access to visitors, tenants, and vendors to the Towers; the second set will open exclusively for authorized personal to the globe, but no tenants, vendors, or visitors have access—making my job that much more fun—not even the third party management company that answers directly to GE, or God’s Eye, we call it, has access without security, into the globe.

GE stands for Global Earth, which is the company name of very powerful people I have yet to meet in person, and to the best of my knowledge the globe functions as a meeting lab for Avengers. Okay, well, not exactly. But it gives off that feel … considering the secrecy and philanthropic vibe by research, and having observed the evolving change and activity from a distance for 7 years; it’s a mystery, and way way above my pay grade to care that much.

On the way to the elevators, the cleaning crew is in front of me, and the ladies have my attention whether they’d asked for it or not. They are talking in their native tongue, Spanish. Some are giggling while making subtle glances in my direction; young, early twenties, somewhat petite, but the worst part is…they’re desirable, and they know it.

My routine is rote which makes this part of my job very dangerous in that I’m human and experience what humans desire; which if not controlled, compromises the nature of my position to prevent liability, maintain integrity, and hold dear my vows to Laura; the vulnerability of the human condition is sensitive to the extreme, and for some odd reason the reproductive system of my body ignites this desire to be fruitful and multiply more children of wrath in this world.

These colors of light about these ladies is entrancing… How the deep dark red is pulsating to their hearts’ beat, their bodies lit a flame that orbs about them, and now, how the color of their minds are shifting shades of brown as I draw closer or further away. I stare more intently at the color of their mind and feel this urg—

DING” – “SECOND FLOOR—GOING DOWN

Distracted by the elevator’s artificial operator, I think to myself “Why do I see that color?”, and quickly come to my senses.

It’s afterhours and in the event there is any malfunction, especially an indicator of a technological glitch in the artificial intelligent geware; I must be ready to respond and immediately notify PM—Property Management—which technically is that third party management service aforementioned, so they can quickly report the issue and await further instruction. I’m more or less a backup system in the event of a cyber crisis, and the geware system need be shutdown; or basically, quite simply, the elevator doors, just…don’t open.

On the way back to the security desk I process the color activity between me and those attractive women, why did the color behave like that?

Then WarCof, still with me, said—”Nathan, you don’t see your own color for a reason, but as you’ve already witnessed: there is a blue to green light orb that describes the essence of men, so too, you have in like fashion as they. As both these colors between men and women collide, a language is revealed. A language of activity that has the power to reveal an active truth. And as those ladies drew nearer to you, the colors revealed the nature of your sin, your desire; humans have a chemical energy and radiance that influences the behavior in which you were experiencing. When the green orbs of men clashes with the orange orbs of women, information that is invisible to the human eye you now have access to see, and the brown color in the minds of those women—you found attractive—reveals a nature of sin that is in every human.”

Stunned, I didn’t know what to think. I went on autopilot and continued to process every word of what WarCof said… and in that state, I remained.

I arrive home, it’s late, Laura is already asleep, but there she lay in all her magnificence, with that beautiful deep red to fiery purple orb that lights up the dark just right, it’s perfect, and incredible. The light behaves in such a way that it brings peace as she sleeps, “pfffffffff…” then there’s this loudest fart that came out of nowhere vibrating the entire room, strong enough to disturb the colors of the orb. That was amazing and quite profound, I thought it would never end. She shuffles a little bit, unconsciously, like she was about to wake up, but nope. No matter.

I can’t help but to watch her sleep, like a creeper, and I have so many questions. Like… why does her mind not behave like that of the other women? I don’t see the brown glow in her mind? Is she attracted to me? Have I no attraction for her? Does she not have that sin as WarCof said? Was WarCof wrong? Can I trust what WarCof is telling me? Is something wrong…

THE TASTE OF IMMORTALITY

Nathan’s Public Journal | III

Thursday, 12/17/2020

Laura burns with a different color than the other women I see. Her heart burns with that same intense deep red, but where there is a fiery orange for the other women… Laura has a gorgeous purple similar to that of WarCof. “Why”, I say to WarCof, but then everything unfreezes and WarCof is disappeared, gone. Everything returned as though nothing happened, but something remained…


Okay, the bigger font is our story. I still have the date at the top of our journal post to indicate the present time. The military time (Time ####—) I used in the previous journal entry NPJ | II was to log the actual time I was writing that day to describe my events of that day—that actually occurred, other than the fantasy aspect of the narration—I’m using for the beginning of our story. And to prevent any confusion between fiction or nonfiction; I’m using this smaller font as my true nonfictional self (Hi, my name is Nathan), where as now, the…

bigger font

…has evolved into our story line, which includes fiction with the nonfiction. The fiction, of course, involves: WarCof and these now supernatural affects/abilities to our characters that describe our eternal realm that surrounds us, and is truly about us. This story is describing a very present and real taste of immortality, but also told from a very real dying and human perspective, of which the meaning is revealed as the story continues. Okay, now back to the story—where Nathan is still at NorthPark Center with Laura having a mental breakdown…


My head is spinning, I’m dizzy. I could hear the muffled tone of Laura’s concerned voice, “Honey, are you okay?” But it was like waking up from a vivid dream, processing what I’d just dreamt. But in this case witnessed, thinking—did that just really happen, is this really happening—do I really have these new abilities, what is going on?

I feel this pain in my head gradually increasing as I look at Laura; her body is transparent by this deep pulsating dark red, the color moves with each beat—thu-dump, thu-dump, thu-dump—of her heart, causing a ripple like effect; the light is as constant as her pulse, like it’s alive or something; as the light moves outward from her heart to the shape of her body, that dark red transitions to light red at her frame; then right at the exterior of her frame, the colors converge into this fiery purple, giving off this orb like glow that extends out into her surrounding space. It’s magnificent…

“‘AHH!’ ‘OU!’ ‘SSS-GAWW!'” It’s painful to look at her for too long.

Laura’s tone becomes desperate, “Honeyyyy, talk to me, what’s wrong?” “EMMMM—my head … hurts. Might be a migraine?”, I lie.

We’re on the second floor of the shopping center, a railing is close by; the center of the mall opens up from floor to ceiling, revealing the two dividing floors where escaladers are strategically stationed at select locations for consumers to ascend and descend between the floors.

I stumble to the railing, catching myself, while hearing Laura’s elevated tone, “Honey!? … Honey!?? Do you need to sit down!? Are you okay!?”

We are not far from the food court, and the place is packed with all kinds of humans! The light shining from each person gives off an extraordinary combination of colors, especially as they get closer to the orbs of other people. It’s fascinating!

While I’m on the railing, I can see the first floor where people are walking under us oblivious to who’s looking from above.

I try my best to keep my composure; I have one hand on my face squeezing my head with my index finger and thumb, while the other hand is holding myself up on this rail—with the help of Laura, of course.

I close my eyes, shake my head violently, blink rapidly, and several times. I’m trying to adapt to this changing condition and new ability of my sight to these colors of light; I don’t understand it—obviously—it’s not making any sense, why would it?

I mumble… “WarCof” … “What! Who?”, Laura asked. “Oh uh— nothing”, I say quickly, while thinking to myself; how do I know his name?

I could feel Laura’s arm squeeze tighter; she had wrapped it around me to prevent the worst possible outcome, going over the rail when I’d stumbled over to it; she is trying to hold me up—deeply concerned that I’m about to pass-out or something, “Come on honey, let’s go.”

She motions to that bench, that bench where the kid was above—frozen mid air—now, available.

I’m catching glimpses of peoples’ attention drawing on us now, and I can feel Laura’s anxiety spiking. People walking by us are slowing down.

Aware of what’s happening; I try to adapt immediately to fake a normal composure, but I can feel myself changing, and it’s extremely painful with each step. My brain is throbbing, and the vibration of my steps—intensifies the pain.

It felt like eternity, but finally, a place to sit.

The bystanders are curious, I can feel them. I tell Laura, “I don’t feel so good.” Laura wanted to call the police, but I’d noticed already, several were close by, acting aloof, while Laura was still waiting on my answers after so many unanswered frantic questions. “No, no! I’m okay, I’m okay!” I said.

I’m obviously not okay, but attempting to explain the nature of my condition would land me in a Psych ward.

“Let’s go home.” I say to Laura. “Okay, babae kissies”, she says ever so sweetly. So I muster the strength to get up, and hopefully, walk normal—which might look like I was either drugged or drunk to onlookers watching our every move. I mean it does, indeed, look weird seeing a grown man leaning on a cute little Mexican woman for support.

But then again, looking around, the other men with Hispanic ladies are doing the same thing. I guess I’m not the only husband getting la chancla at home, one guy even used Morse code to signal an S.O.S. from the light of his phone in his pocket and also—”these women are crazy, man, help me”—I signaled back—dude, mine knows that signal, are you trying to get us killed—his eyes got massive, face full of fear, and then we smiled facetiously as we moved along.

As soon as Laura and I make it back to our decked-out four door 2035 hovering Toyota Corolla LE that counters the gravitation pull… or rather, the momentum of the earths rotational force around the sun influx of our Milky Way galaxy’s trajectory into dark matter and energy—Laura pops’ the trunk, throws me in saying, “I saw the Morse code.”, and pulls out this chancla I’d never seen before.


The End.


Okay, not really, but once inside our normal gas engine vehicle, I passed out cold—dead asleep. I hardly remember getting out of the car to find our bed once we’d arrived home, and thankfully, I didn’t have work until Thursday 12/17/2020.


Two days later—today.


I’d slept for nearly two days, woke up feeling like it was any other day, and just in time to get ready for work.

I could hear Laura downstairs in the kitchen, probably preparing me something to eat now, and a meal for later. I quickly get dressed in my security uniform and go downstairs. BOOM! I hit the door at the end of our staircase as soon as I see Laura. There she is in all her fiery red purple glow as she stands in the kitchen stunned and confused by my display.

It all came back to me, and I remember the WarCof encounter and the sound of his voice.

Thinking to myself What do these colors mean? as I make my way to Laura, still somewhat confused. “Something’s going on with you?”, she says. “Me, naww, I’m alright, much better now that I’ve slept.” I kiss her, but could tell that Laura wasn’t buying it, and time didn’t allow for further investigation.

I ate fast, grabbed my meal and supplies for work, and said, “Thank you, Love, I love you.” Laura walks me to the door, watches me like some creeper as I walk to the car. Just kidding, she always beholds me with great wonder and enthusiasm as I strut to the car like I’m the king of the world because she’s watching.

I put my things in the back seat, just behind the drivers side, and as soon as I get in the car—WarCof.

WarCof appears in the passenger side seat in all his amazing glory scaring the death, literally, out of me, “How did yo—” “Drive!”

I put the car in gear and head north from south Dallas. “What is going on?” I ask with subtle fear and intense hope, “You know the scriptures, and where it speaks of what this experience is…” “No, no I don’t, and how do I know your name? WarCof.” “Don’t worry about driving.” There was a brief silence. “…What!?” “I know where your occupation is—so don’t worry about driving.” This was weird, I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I kept silent.

I continued to drive in disbelief of his instruction. I didn’t say another word, but for some reason, his company remained with me in the passenger seat. So we just sat there, in silence, the whole way to my job site in the metroplex of Dallas TX. Once I’d arrived onsite, clocked in for duty, WarCof was still at my side—or at least, within proximity of my sight. His presence was powerful, nothing like anything to compare from an earthly description.

I stationed myself at the security desk after making a patrol of the site, checking the high priority areas inside the high-rise office building first, then the integrity of the garage and building structure next. The cleaning services were about to arrive, and would need access into certain tenants’ offices with a red dot on their door handle indicating ‘authorized personal only’.

When the cleaning crew arrived, the majority are ladies, and they’re attractive. As soon as I saw them coming into the building to collect their keys for access, their bodies burned with that red and fiery orange color that orbed around their physique, but there was something different. I could see a light brownish glow that came from their brain. This color was new, or… I didn’t recognize it before. As they would get closer and closer to the security desk, that brownish color intensified to it’s darkest form.

After issuing them their keys, WarCof appears next to me and asks, “Why do you see that color?”


Okay, we’ll get to there in a our next journal entry (NPJ | IV). Until then, be thinking about this scripture: For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.

THE TASTE OF IMMORTALITY

Nathan’s Public Journal | I

Monday, 12/7/2020

Here I sit, cameras in view, the time for me to be off duty is fast approaching. It’s nearly 06:00 (military time) coming off of a 12hr deep night shift during the weekend. My occupation is as a level 2 Private Security Officer and my work schedule is not ideal, but it’s currently the closest to my preference considering the options; this schedule fits my focus at this duration of my life. That focus is … well, we’ll get to that, but right now I’m still getting over this cringe.

I didn’t realize just how, hmmm … damaged I was, until re-reading some of my material of old. I can see where my mind would get stuck in the trauma of my past; a lot of my first posts I’d published nearly 3 years ago are written in a language of which feels, irreconcilable. I think, needless to say, I’m thankful for the grace—to be ever learning through undeveloped skills—of inexperience; the mistakes are endless, and that’s frustrating (I learn hands-on). However, there is a story in my mess waiting to be written, just not yet. Alright—time to head home.

So… now I hope, is as good-a-time as any to welcome you to my journal. If you’ve followed along with me (I know those of you who have) until now, you know this about me. I’ve been thinking about this journal idea for too long now (like yesterday—that’s a joke); writing happens to be very therapeutic for me, so uh… thank you, Therapist, I guess. This idea is much-much more than a therapy session you get to sit in on to hear all about my life’s drama. It will be an empirical psychology, only it’s written to be watched through the lens of intuition and imagination that writing/reading ignites!

Psychology—according to wordnik—at its core; the study of the human soul. And there is where I’m going to learn how my salvation is alive! I don’t know about you, but I want to understand my soul. And more than that, I want to understand the relationship between salvation of the human soul and God. I want to learn about what my belief structure means; I found someone in the field of psychology, a mentor. I’m exercising (like working out in the gym or fitness center) the weight of the gospel in my conscience. So I thought, “Well, what if my ‘T4P’ people want to keep a watchful eye on this progress and quite possibly, discover something of their own by this as well?” A big part of this idea goes out to Dallas Fluegel (check em out on YouTube) because I really like how he has structured—is structuring—himself by his videos, and want to apply that to my life.

Tuesday, 12/8/2020

What if you could understand your personality?

Function the way that you do?

Feel the way that you feel?

Does that not sound absolutely terrifying, it’s so awesome! Anyway, there are reasons I behave the way I do as soon as I wake-up into this world of causality that provides insight into who Nathan is and why he is, the way he is. I want to tap into that meaning of myself, so… here it goes. *Let’s make this a page turner.

The plans of the heart belong to man

Proverbs chapter 16; I die daily devotional.

1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.

PLANS

I feel like a got hit so hard I woke up tomorrow, and I nearly did. Laura and I both worked the graveyard shift last night, but had plans for today because we’re off. During the night last night we had planned to prepare a little video for today’s chapter once we were off the clock heading home; because on our way home the colors of the sky change as night turns into day, and as the sky changes, the colors complement the Dallas Tx skyscrapers in a way that inspires you to marvel in awe and wonder! So our schedule was a productive one to start the day today. But uhhh… That obviously didn’t happen! As soon as we made it home, it was lights-out, figuratively and literally! And it was only about an hour ago (6p) that I officially rolled out of bed. Needless to say… today’s proverbs is appropriate for me.

2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
But the LORD weighs the motives.
Commit your works to the LORD
And your plans will be established.
4 The LORD has made everything for its own purpose,
Even the wicked for the day of evil.
5 Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to
the LORD; Assuredly, he will not be unpunished.

It wasn’t long after waking up, realizing the time, that thoughts began to race through my mind along with the feelings that accompanied them; confusion, guilt, shame, anxiety, sadness, depression, anger, etc. . All of that complexity in myself causes me to pause especially now, while writing this out, praying without even realizing that I’m praying—distracted by so many questions that flood my system—but then that reminder of yesterdays post comes to mind, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”. Except replace Elijah’s name with yours: “What are you doing here, [NAME]?”. And so here I am, applying my faith to that question:

“What are you doing here, [Nathan]?”

6 By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for,
And by the fear of the LORD one keeps away from evil.
7 When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD,
He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
8 Better is a little with righteousness
Than great income with injustice.
9 The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
10 A divine decision is in the lips of the king;
His mouth should not err in judgment.

7:45pm CST

In the wake of my human storm of logic and emotions clashing with my present circumstances, I knew one thing for certain! I’ve committed to devote dying daily for the sake of—Matthew 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, Luke 17:33 and John 12:25—which is the greatest reward of faith to an eternal life while here on earth!

What is that reward?

11 A just balance and scales belong to the LORD;
All the weights of the bag are His concern.
12 It is an abomination for kings to commit wicked acts,
For a throne is established on righteousness.
13 Righteous lips are the delight of kings,
And he who speaks right is loved.
14 The fury of a king is like messengers of death,
But a wise man will appease it.
15 In the light of a king’s face is life,
And his favor is like a cloud with the spring rain.

LOVE AND TRUTH

1 Timothy 2:3- This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

The greatest reward to experience here on earth is that desire; LOVE! Love—is instilled in every true believer that was saved. But saved from what? If the emotion and logic of love did not have meaning or purpose, the experience of love would render null and void—chaotic in nature, fire without limitations or boundaries, meaningless—to be completely random for ultimate destruction; forgotten to the memorial place of hell.

1 Timothy 2:3- This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

But the reality of my experience to desire, is purposed with structure—even randomness—because of the knowledge of the truth. What is the knowledge of the truth? 1 Timothy 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave Himself as a ransom for all, the testimony given at the proper time. Our warning to keeping this truth is different that the warning that was given in Genesis—2:16 The LORD God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; 17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.

16 How much better it is to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver.
17 The highway of the upright is to depart from evil;
He who watches his way preserves his life.
18 Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before stumbling.
19 It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly
Than to divide the spoil with the proud.
20 He who gives attention to the word will find good,
And blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.

WARNING

Revelations 22:18 I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues which are written in this book; 19 and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book.

I’m curious as to what that warning means to you, Reader? For me, I hear what I’m not ready to understand yet—all the while, also—what motivates me to lose my soul. That may sound morbid, but actually, it might be selfish; because I believe in what it means for the reward at achieving it, which is eternal life, but more than that; for all to achieve the reward at losing their soul for the reason of God’s desire. I hope and pray for every man to be like King David in that he was a man after God’s own heart—Acts 13:22 After He had removed him, He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, ‘I HAVE FOUND DAVID the son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will.

21 The wise in heart will be called understanding,
And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
22 Understanding is a fountain of life to one who has it,
But the discipline of fools is folly.
23 The heart of the wise instructs his mouth
And adds persuasiveness to his lips.
24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
25 There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

Especially because our Lord said, 16 “I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things for the churches. I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star.”—that He is the root and descendant of David! Jesus is narratively, figuratively, and literally the heart of God! I hope for every man to be found with those words of that testimony:

A MAN AFTER MY HEART

26 A worker’s appetite works for him,
For his hunger urges him on.
27 A worthless man digs up evil,
While his words are like scorching fire.
28 A perverse man spreads strife,
And a slanderer separates intimate friends.
29 A man of violence entices his neighbor
And leads him in a way that is not good.
30 He who winks his eyes does so to devise perverse things;
He who compresses his lips brings evil to pass.

So what are your plans?

What are you hungry for? (Not talking about food).

Do our plans work together?

What is the tongue of the Lord saying to our plans?

31 A gray head is a crown of glory;
It is found in the way of righteousness.
32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
33 The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the LORD.

I plan to read the next chapter of proverbs, possibly have some more coffee since I’ve slept my day away. If the Lord will, I’ll eat, read, think, write, and plan more tonight with the Lord. I pray we will all rule our spirits as v.32 advises.

Until the morning…