Tag Archives: NPJ

Nathan’s Public Journal | II

Tuesday, 12/15/2020

Time 0140—In the morning of this brisk, silent, night. Well, “silent”… as in a feeling; my beautiful wife is breathing in a way that indicates REM sleep, and there is a sound of warm air blowing through the ventilation system—to fight off the cold in the night; awe of course, and the sound of the ‘k’ ‘e’ ‘y’ ‘s’ mashing against my keyboard as my fingers mean to type quietly. I don’t want to awaken the… Naura; ooooohhhh…I’m joking-I’m Joking! My wife (Laura), is the sweetest; even if she woke up, she’d probably unconsciously give me a hug and a kiss, then back to bed.

So after listening to the critique, well… honest advice, of my wife, on the original version to this journal entry (12/12-14/2020), decided on a different tactic for this post. I won’t bore you on the details because written well, it won’t matter.

Don’t mind skipping past the reference structure below. It’s my map.


  • Jesus Christ is my belief structure.
    1. What does that mean? (salvation).
      1. Human soul and God.
        1. Saved by grace through faith.
        2. How does faith work?
  • I love my wife—priority.
    1. She is the core/center of my responsibilities.
      1. I need structure.
        1. Public Journal/accountability
  • Job with hours to aid me on this trajectory.
    1. Not ideal, but blessed.
      1. I work nights and days.
      2. Best option at the moment.
        1. Aim for only nights if available.
        2. Or learn how to write, like, very good!
  • Psychology Professor—Jordan Peterson.
    1. Mentor/Maps of Meaning/(biblical skeptic?)
      1. I think Jordan’s strategy to understand ‘meaning’ is awesome!
  • My personality— understand and improve.
    1. 1 Peter 3:15 (but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;)
      1. There is a hope in the personality of a believer.
        1. My personality is wild; I want to understand it.
  • Skill/s to master:
    1. Writing.
    2. Videography.
  • Goal/s…
    • Is there more than one?
      • Where is the sacred ground?
        • What is this going to do?
          • How will this be effective?
            • What is the sacrifice?
              • Will the practice, preach?
                • What does it mean?
                  • When is it time to plant?
  • The seed is to sanctify Christ as Lord in my heart.

Time 0439—Just completed a couple scheduled devotionals (P1-V15 and P1-V16). Now that, that work is prepped; it frees me up to get creative with this public journal. The idea is to write in a way that tells a story, a true story, but with a twist. The reason this journal is public is to benefit both the writer, but more importantly, the reader. And I can’t have you bored out of your mind. So let me go get some more coffee real quick as I think about you in this story of ours.

Time 0519—I kid you not, as soon as I grabbed my coffee cup to head downstairs, Laura says to me, “Are you getting coffee?” Mind you, she has no idea what I’d just written, the room is dark (other than the candle next to me), and she couldn’t see that I’d grabbed my cup (because a black fabric blocks her view as it hangs from our ceiling nearly the length of our desk). This might be prophetic—said facetiously. I asked her how she knew I was going to get coffee, and she says “I don’t know.” I mean, that’s just providential!

Anyway, as I thought of you while getting coffee; I was inspired by the written word of God, to have a title for our story:

THE TASTE OF IMMORTALITY

Time 0911—We live in the realm of the eternal, this isn’t a fictional story. There are fictional names to real characters in mine and your stories, but our land of the eternal is very real—nonfictional (actually occurring) as we live today. There are enemies and friendlies that move all around and about us, so listen closely as we venture into the world of the eternal. And experience the taste of immortality.

Time 2111—There is a character by the name of WarCof, also known by his initials (WC). It’s getting late; I have less than 3 hours. The time is dark, evil is lurking. WarCof is an image-bearer of the Light, an eternal being known as the—Wonderful Counselor. The earth at this time of our lives, is also know as—the world of wrath. This world of wrath is presently an age of what feels like an eternal hell; these earthly beings are wearing face masks, carrying hand sanitizers and disinfectants, maintaining social distancing to prevent the spread of the inevitable consequence of sin—death.

Time 2145—Laura and I (Nathan), decided to go out into the world of wrath between the gap of 0911-2111; for nearly 6 hours, we were out at a shopping center called NorthPark; we exchanged clothing items that were the wrong fit for us at the H&M shop, and found a gift for a close relative. The shopping center was packed with people, and as Laura and I walked a couple laps, the strangest thing started to happen with my eyes.

At first, all I saw was gray, the color gray was everywhere; the shops, the people, the merchandise, everything with a physical form was gray. I blinked a few times, no change. I closed my eyes and rubbed each of them simultaneously with my hands, when they opened, I met WarCof. WarCof strangely appeared in this magnificent color of white/purple, his figure wasn’t that attractive, but built like a man. He was about my height (5’7″), but couldn’t figure his weight, it wouldn’t register in my brain. His voice made a sharp deep powerful sound, although, it felt gentle to my ears—a perfect tone.

“Look”, he said. And when I did, I saw everything perfectly still. Nothing moved, no sound was made, no air was felt, and the people and their children completely frozen in their place. I saw families in mid step, mouths unmoved although stuck open from mid conversation, a kid frozen in mid air from leaping off a bench. Police officers… well… nothing too unique there, they were already posed.

But here is where it gets interesting.

As I continued to look … two distinct colors began to emerge specific to their gender, male and female; the women have this color combination of red/orange giving off this beautiful fiery glow, their bodies are transparent as the color intensifies at their core, their heart burns an intense deep red; the color of the men glow an amazing blue/green, and a deep cold dark blue intensifies at the heart, exactly the same way the deep red does for the women. Then my eyes shift to gaze upon my wife, I nearly fall to the ground ducking; she has this froze pissed off face, it’s actually quite cute and funny.

Laura burns with a different color than the other women I see. Her heart burns with that same intense deep red, but where there is a fiery orange for the other women… Laura has a gorgeous purple similar to that of WarCof. “Why”, I say to WarCof, but then everything unfreezes. WarCof is disappeared, gone. Everything returned as though nothing happened, but something remained…

THE TASTE OF IMMORTALITY

Nathan’s Public Journal | I

Monday, 12/7/2020

Here I sit, cameras in view, the time for me to be off duty is fast approaching. It’s nearly 06:00 (military time) coming off of a 12hr deep night shift during the weekend. My occupation is as a level 2 Private Security Officer and my work schedule is not ideal, but it’s currently the closest to my preference considering the options; this schedule fits my focus at this duration of my life. That focus is … well, we’ll get to that, but right now I’m still getting over this cringe.

I didn’t realize just how, hmmm … damaged I was, until re-reading some of my material of old. I can see where my mind would get stuck in the trauma of my past; a lot of my first posts I’d published nearly 3 years ago are written in a language of which feels, irreconcilable. I think, needless to say, I’m thankful for the grace—to be ever learning through undeveloped skills—of inexperience; the mistakes are endless, and that’s frustrating (I learn hands-on). However, there is a story in my mess waiting to be written, just not yet. Alright—time to head home.

So… now I hope, is as good-a-time as any to welcome you to my journal. If you’ve followed along with me (I know those of you who have) until now, you know this about me. I’ve been thinking about this journal idea for too long now (like yesterday—that’s a joke); writing happens to be very therapeutic for me, so uh… thank you, Therapist, I guess. This idea is much-much more than a therapy session you get to sit in on to hear all about my life’s drama. It will be an empirical psychology, only it’s written to be watched through the lens of intuition and imagination that writing/reading ignites!

Psychology—according to wordnik—at its core; the study of the human soul. And there is where I’m going to learn how my salvation is alive! I don’t know about you, but I want to understand my soul. And more than that, I want to understand the relationship between salvation of the human soul and God. I want to learn about what my belief structure means; I found someone in the field of psychology, a mentor. I’m exercising (like working out in the gym or fitness center) the weight of the gospel in my conscience. So I thought, “Well, what if my ‘T4P’ people want to keep a watchful eye on this progress and quite possibly, discover something of their own by this as well?” A big part of this idea goes out to Dallas Fluegel (check em out on YouTube) because I really like how he has structured—is structuring—himself by his videos, and want to apply that to my life.

Tuesday, 12/8/2020

What if you could understand your personality?

Function the way that you do?

Feel the way that you feel?

Does that not sound absolutely terrifying, it’s so awesome! Anyway, there are reasons I behave the way I do as soon as I wake-up into this world of causality that provides insight into who Nathan is and why he is, the way he is. I want to tap into that meaning of myself, so… here it goes. *Let’s make this a page turner.