Tag Archives: how to defeat codependency

A gentle answer turns away wrath

Proverbs chapter 15; I die daily devotional.

1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.

GENTLE ANSWER

But don’t get it twisted because the truth when ‘spoken gently’, might effect to reveal the wrath of God in someone. For instance, the sadducees and pharisees; in both Matthew and Luke chapter 3 verse 7 it says, “But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?“. I mean, if I were in their shoes at that time, “ouch!”. That would hurt and might provoke me to anger if I were NOT honestly seeking forgiveness from what John was exposing. The sin condition to look for is—defensiveness and justification (John 3:36 He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.).

2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,
But the mouth of fools spouts folly.
3 The eyes of the LORD are in every place,
Watching the evil and the good.
4 A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit.
5 A fool rejects his father’s discipline,
But he who regards reproof is sensible.

CODEPENDENCY

A lot of the times, the issue we face as a people of relations is codependency. We depend upon family telling us who we are or friends giving us the help we think we need, but there is only One Person Who has the authority over—the course, and outcome—of all life! These proverbs will help train and guide us out of the sin of codependency!

6 Great wealth is in the house of the righteous,
But trouble is in the income of the wicked.
7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge,
But the hearts of fools are not so.
8 The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination

to the LORD, But the prayer of the
upright is His delight.
9 The way of the wicked is an abomination

to the LORD, But He loves one
who pursues righteousness.
10 Grievous punishment is for him who forsakes

the way; He who hates reproof will die.

Without knowing it (possibly); you Reader, have a tremendous power that these proverbs emphasize. 2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable and 4 A soothing tongue is a tree of life! Our tongues’ possesses the power to affect a person’s condition just as the tongue that wrote these proverbs are affecting us right now. Me and my wife had talked about codependency today and she said something remarkable! “God is who brings value to a person and gives them their identity”Laura Dooley. I told my wife that I was going to tweak that quote uh-bit, to read, “God breathes value [soul] in a person and gives them their identity [born to be a child of God]”. What I didn’t tell my wife was that… I’m going to steal it and use it in this post (hope that’s okay honey haha’ *as author pulls’ neck collar* and *eh em* clears throat; moving on!)

11 Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the LORD,
How much more the hearts of men!
12 A scoffer does not love one who reproves him,
He will not go to the wise.
13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face,
But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.
14 The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge,
But the mouth of fools feeds on folly.
15 All the days of the afflicted are bad,
But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.

TRANSFORMATION

When we use our faith to workout the meaning of 1 Corinthians 15:45…“The first man, Adam, became a living soul.” The last Adam became a life-giving spirit.—we experience a process of transformation from the death of our soul to a life-giving spirit! It starts from within our hearts. And from our hearts to our minds—Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

16 Better is a little with the fear of the LORD
Than great treasure and turmoil with it.
17 Better is a dish of vegetables where love is
Than a fattened ox served with hatred.
18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,
But the slow to anger calms a dispute.
19 The way of the lazy is as a hedge of thorns,
But the path of the upright is a highway.
20 A wise son makes a father glad,
But a foolish man despises his mother.

LET THIS CUP PASS

Codependency is especially seen in parents to their children and vice-versa; the love there, is so strong, that the nature of it is possessive. And without wisdom, becomes destructive. Because not even God our Father took the cup away from His only Son when it came time for Jesus to be crucified—“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”! If there were some other way—let this cup pass from Me—Jesus pleaded with His Father; yet Jesus, trusting His Father, drank that cup so we could be saved and made alive to an eternal life in the kingdom of our Heavenly Father. You might think you love your child or children, but can you provide your child salvation from death and make them alive to an eternal life? Then respectfully and gently I say… God loves your child infinitely more than your capacity to fathom that depth of love God is for you and your children in Jesus Christ.

21 Folly is joy to him who lacks sense,
But a man of understanding walks straight.
22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated,
But with many counselors they succeed.
23 A man has joy in an apt answer,
And how delightful is a timely word!
24 The path of life leads upward for the wise
That he may keep away from Sheol below.
25 The LORD will tear down the house of the proud,
But He will establish the boundary of the widow.

I pray and ask Lord for understanding, and thank you for a path that leads straight because of your name, Jesus. Lord please help us to find our counselors for success, and thank you for the joy we get to experience upon the purpose you give us to do while here on this earth. Lord, please bless us with wisdom as we exercise our faith, and thank you for tongues that speak a language of your truth and salvation. Please forgive us our sin, tear down our pride and establish our boundaries. In your name, Jesus. Amen.

26 Evil plans are an abomination to the LORD,
But pleasant words are pure.
27 He who profits illicitly troubles his own house,
But he who hates bribes will live.
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The LORD is far from the wicked,
But He hears the prayer of the righteous.
30 Bright eyes gladden the heart;
Good news puts fat on the bones.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Being human in all our complexity can be quite difficult to work with at times. Our emotions are very informative when we pay close attention to what we are experiencing and why. When the brains and hearts of people are not in sync it’s definitely noticeable, but the question is how to engineer a fix to a broken human system? The answer: kill em! That was a joke, but in a weird-kinda-way that’s happening to us already—so that method is taken. What’s next!? Well… the next thing would be to reeallyyy listen, pray, and process, until it’s time to speak or do something. That practice is especially useful with an inquisitive heart because you’ll want to be ready to ask questions for more insight into the condition that person is facing/experiencing. Navigate what people are experiencing with internal questions first, then trust how the Holy Spirit will use you in that situation—which could be that you’re presence is enough. Don’t force or expect healthy change that is not dependant or contingent on you, but the work and will of God in that person. Committing these insights to memory for practice when the time comes will prove a heavenly treasure. That’s been my experience anyway.

31 He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof
Will dwell among the wise.
32 He who neglects discipline despises himself,
But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.
33 The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom,
And before honor comes humility.

1 Kings 19:11- So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, a voice came to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”