Are You Living With Grief?

Whether it was on the mind or wasn’t, even now you may be asking yourself whether it’s relevant. I think it is… especially after reviewing why, because at the very least you’ll walk away with a foundational peace that surpasses all understanding.

However… while I can assure you that every person is living with some form or fashion of grief, you will not find peace without first acknowledging that you need to grieve by accepting the answer as “yes” for yourself.

I get it though—if this question was presented previous to the most recent difficult news in my life would’ve moved on as disinterested; it wouldn’t have been because I didn’t care, but that I didn’t understand the significance of grieving until the experience of pain became more than years could bear.

YES

Yes the traumatic experiences of life hurts, whatever that looks like for you—it could be that you’ve been through what feels like Hell, things I couldn’t possibly describe without knowing you intimately although can imagine because of how pain is all too familiar even though distinct.

It might be that someone you completely trusted lied?

It might be that circumstances made you handicap?

It might be that you’ve been abused?

It might be because you’ve lost a loved one?

It might be you can’t give birth to a loved one?

It might be that you just found out… cancer?

it might injustice due to bigotry and racism?

It might be the question itself?

I’ve learned that the significance of grieving is found when accounting for what’s been lost. “What’s been lost?” Feels more like a question of: What’s been taken? The answer is quite simple really, innocence.

LOST

Everyone handles grief in their own way, I get that. But how it’s handled is very important. it’s only been a couple weeks since losing my sister and the weight of waiting to lay her to rest is heavy laden on my soul.

And just as a friend of mine has graciously warned how grief will spontaneously sprout over the course of time when birthdays, holidays, and other days come round and my sister isn’t there will hit in ways unexpected. My wise friend said this…

Do me a favor. When the grief comes, when the pain comes— lean into it. As hard and as painful as it may feel, lean into the pain in order to live through it to reach the other side where the moments you remember are more of the ones you want to remember and not the pain you are currently feeling. What I did NOT say was to lean into it ALONE. You have a wife, other family and friends that you can lean on with all of your weight and we will hold you up until you can stand again. I am here for you just as I always have been. Whenever you need or want to talk or just have someone listen, I’m here. There is no such thing as too early or too late.

~ Draoun

And he’s right. You may not see me, but spiritually, you’re not alone. So whatever that pain looks like for you, get ready to take a few moments in the quietness of your soul and environment. But like my friend said, I didn’t say to do it alone. You can experience this with God, family and friends. Don’t be shy.

Don’t give into the pride of being perceived as tough. Lets get to a place where we are living with peace through that which is causing pain. If you were sitting across from me right now and I asked what your pain is…what would come to mind for you?

PAIN

Identifying your pain—is where you start not being lost in whats been taken, because whats been taken is what is causing your pain and influencing your life choices to consequences. Hence lost.

Like for me right now, I’m doing a balancing act by resisting the urge to react to the pain and suffering of the world learned through social media about stocks, coronavirus, injustices, politics, relationships, religion, while covertly getting through work day after day dealing with my responsibilities as a husband, uncle, brother, and friend.

Notice how I said “covertly getting through”. That means somethings wrong. The emotions that encompass the aforementioned reveals unspoken pain of which needs addressed because its’ influencing how I perform in all aspects of my life. So let the healing begin!

HEALING

Whether you’re reading this on your phone or on a computer, it is at this point you set it aside and think about what ails you. What causes you pain?

Don’t avoid that question as you would a confrontation, rather…confront that question headlong. Be real, raw, and authentic! Think of it as being in a place somewhere free, a cabin in the mountains maybe, or even a coffee shop that you feel like you own (even if you actually do) and journal what causes you pain and why.

Shoot! Even this post can become your journal place, that’s what the comments are for.

But as you do this, and take it seriously with time, you’ll start noticing periodic elevations in energy with a proactive desire to accomplish peace and live life to its’ fullest potential. Now here is where it gets difficult because a part of accomplishing peace is approaching demons you’ve avoided for however long in your life and these demons represent the emotions of hate to the extent of suppression, indifference, or even murder for the people or circumstances that hurt you to the core.

You need to remove these demons by releasing that energy or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

GRIEVE

God can handle the most worst possible pain you’ve experienced or even can imagine to experience. Let it out… share it… cry…

Don’t hold anything back, use your God given language to speak what is in your heart and listen… and I mean really listen …because God is handling it with you by making the choice at your own will to acknowledge that God can actually help you.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy or even simple, but the point is that you’re free…not bound by what laws you’ve created for yourself to be enslaved to. YOU ARE FREE! NOW GO AND LIVE IN FREEDOM!

In love…

Nathan Dooley


Freedom

Mercedes

Robbed Mercedes… When I got the call from our sister (Kelsie) about the news, didn’t know how to respond other than contact police departments to try and scrabble information. I didn’t want to believe what I heard, “NOO!…”. The feeling to describe the state of loss was…ROBBED…because you and I are designed to live holding … Continue reading Mercedes

The Thing About Stepping Stones

In light of my previous post this title seems most appropriate considering what troubles me. The sun is setting, darkness is fast approaching; light is dim, yet glistening off the stream of water. I think I see closure on the other side! But the surface is wet and bedded with algae. And the thing about stepping stones… is that they cause pause to ponder about ideas.

CROSS?

The stream has a peaceful sound, it’s gentle, feels safe… The algae? Yah, it’s true…I could fall; It’s a pretty green, slick to the touch. How about the stones? What is their condition? You’re right, “type of sandstone”…they’re brittle; but they seem reliable, sturdy enough and positioned in a way for every step of crossing


I try to bring it up in small doses or when problems arise for them to know that every stone is a stepping one.

~Mercedes “Sadie” Fulton

I won’t lie, I’ve doubted my calling to ministry for lack of academic credentials and experience. But the doubt that’s gnawing me presently is the philosophy of ‘doubt’ itself… it’s a problem you see …because as soon as doubt becomes effective it compromises confidence that would’ve otherwise prevented hesitation and thereby consequence.

The ideas of, “what if I said this or that—could it-have changed this or that… …am I somehow guilty…” weighs on the conscience.

While people in their good nature and mean no ill intent, might attempt to appease or fix these concerning thought patterns with words coated in flattery; they will not bring closure, and it does not bring healing to the parts of the conscience that need not healed because the wounds are already scars.

The closure that I see across the stream is not fixed on what I cannot control, nor any longer on the doubt that I CAN control. But my closure is fixed on what Jesus Christ is doing in my soul. I’m learning a valuable understanding about life of which each take part in their own way, but the understanding is this:

Every person purposed in their position of occupation to accomplish life is blessed with an internal choice that bleeds an external consequence, our days are numbered and sins are found out, but the legal divine right over every soul belongs to the one who wrote his or her DNA.

Every problem that is a stone is a stepping one. I will choose to have faith in Jesus Christ as I trust in the timing of God’s reasons to life and death that are beyond my compass of closure. I’m thankful to have a will to choose. And I’m thankful to have hope of which defines the character or my soul.

But what about you, reader?

How will you cross the stream of your life as the weight of your conscience is heavy burdened with sin? Do you see the problems of your life as stones for stepping or as algae for identity?

in love…

Nathan Dooley


Freedom

Mercedes

Robbed Mercedes… When I got the call from our sister (Kelsie) about the news, didn’t know how to respond other than contact police departments to try and scrabble information. I didn’t want to believe what I heard, “NOO!…”. The feeling to describe the state of loss was…ROBBED…because you and I are designed to live holding … Continue reading Mercedes

Are You Living With Grief?

Whether it was on the mind or wasn’t, even now you may be asking yourself whether it’s relevant. I think it is… especially after reviewing why, because at the very least you’ll walk away with a foundational peace that surpasses all understanding. However… while I can assure you that every person is living with some … Continue reading Are You Living With Grief?

Mercedes

Robbed

Mercedes…

When I got the call from our sister (Kelsie) about the news, didn’t know how to respond other than contact police departments to try and scrabble information. I didn’t want to believe what I heard, “NOO!…”.

The feeling to describe the state of loss was…ROBBED…because you and I are designed to live holding our grandparents and parents hands as they come of age to meet our Lord. I felt robbed of the many more years to experience life with you. And it was actually some friends (Daniel included) of mine that “coined” this feeling because of how they could relate to what I was presently experiencing—”feeling of being… robbed”.

And so here I am, robbed. Because when I go to message you now, there is no response, only…silence. Which is nothing like you at all. I think you might be one of the most obnoxious people I know apart from me. I mean, not that it was a competition or anything. Ha. That’s a laugh. Everything is a competition when you’re a free spirit; that’s what makes life interesting, reckless, and fun! Anyway… I can think of a few others in our family that are just as crazy as us and yet… still alive, go figure.

And for the record, Sadie, you cheated. I’m older, and it’s only fair that the elder goes first. Yes, you’re a lady and all. And myself, a gentlemen. But rules are rules. I get that ladies go first, but that’s cheating…sis!

Even though the feeling was a feeling of being robbed. After mourning and depression…have come to be at peace by the comfort of friends and family encouragement. But not only that, also in processing these moments I shared with you in our salvational engineering group discussion on facebook.

But I also feel the strength to not give up and to be around as much as possible to show the person the happiness and light I live in daily. I believe he made me for these types of people. Relatable to all types and strong in faith

I believe He (God) did too, Sadie. And I pray any friend and family that reflects on memories of you, they are comforted as I am by the motive of your heart.

I hate seeing beautiful souls get lost in thoughts of helplessness in their dark times … Now I just need them to want to ask questions and be ready and educated in my faith when it comes to those questions.

Me and you both, Sadie! I hope any person that ever comes to know you by testimonies about you, they will ask questions about that contentment and light, that hope, and us be ready and educated in faith to answer the hard questions. And while I’m not a judge to determine justice for any soul can only hope that every soul of which knows us will know Christ Jesus to be their salvation as He is ours.

Robbed

Speaking of answers to hard questions. The questions that surrounded the feelings of being robbed are put rest by answers that aren’t governed by my bias ideas of where you might be now, spiritually speaking. I can only hope to see you again in the clouds with Jesus Christ; while my dependency of that hope does not rest necessarily upon the sight of seeing you again, rather, that our sights together are focused on seeing Him because of the truth that Jesus Christ is the author and perfecter of our faith.

I love you Sadie! And don’t worry about Titan, the boy is in trustworthy hands.

Titan, BIG MAN TITAN…

You’re not quite old enough to read this yet, but one day, you will be. And I want you to know that your mom loved and still loves you sooooo sooo much. Don’t ever loose sight of that truth because it will be a compass for your soul. Don’t suppress the emotions of your heart, let the world know who you are. But understand this from your uncle Nathan, life is a mystery of proverbs that are worth discovering to learn from the Good Book.

Let the Bible be your compass in guiding you to life, truth, and love.

Here’s a quick story to remember your mom by: It was when we (me and your mom) were kids, just a few years older than you but can’t remember exactly what it was we were doing. I think it was either a game of tag or hide-n-go-seek. It’s a vague memory.

But that’s beside the point.

What I think I remember your mom running full speed away from was—getting tagged. She was always extremely competitive and quite fearless! Anytime there was a challenge, your mom was up for the task of proving her abilities. So as she was running full speed, focused and determined, nothing could stop her until… WHAM!

There was this horizontal steel pole that came out of no where, leveled her, knocking the air out of her as she hit the ground. But you know what… she got back up, she didn’t give up. Your mom was tough, just like you! And did you take notice of how focused and determined? She was, unstoppable.

And so even when obstacles come out of nowhere to stop you, Titan. Get back up, and don’t give up….

I love you.

Nathan Dooley