Whether it was on the mind or wasn’t, even now you may be asking yourself whether it’s relevant. I think it is… especially after reviewing why, because at the very least you’ll walk away with a foundational peace that surpasses all understanding.

However… while I can assure you that every person is living with some form or fashion of grief, you will not find peace without first acknowledging that you need to grieve by accepting the answer as “yes” for yourself.

I get it though—if this question was presented previous to the most recent difficult news in my life would’ve moved on as disinterested; it wouldn’t have been because I didn’t care, but that I didn’t understand the significance of grieving until the experience of pain became more than years could bear.

YES

Yes the traumatic experiences of life hurts, whatever that looks like for you—it could be that you’ve been through what feels like Hell, things I couldn’t possibly describe without knowing you intimately although can imagine because of how pain is all too familiar even though distinct.

It might be that someone you completely trusted lied?

It might be that circumstances made you handicap?

It might be that you’ve been abused?

It might be because you’ve lost a loved one?

It might be you can’t give birth to a loved one?

It might be that you just found out… cancer?

it might injustice due to bigotry and racism?

It might be the question itself?

I’ve learned that the significance of grieving is found when accounting for what’s been lost. “What’s been lost?” Feels more like a question of: What’s been taken? The answer is quite simple really, innocence.

LOST

Everyone handles grief in their own way, I get that. But how it’s handled is very important. it’s only been a couple weeks since losing my sister and the weight of waiting to lay her to rest is heavy laden on my soul.

And just as a friend of mine has graciously warned how grief will spontaneously sprout over the course of time when birthdays, holidays, and other days come round and my sister isn’t there will hit in ways unexpected. My wise friend said this…

Do me a favor. When the grief comes, when the pain comes— lean into it. As hard and as painful as it may feel, lean into the pain in order to live through it to reach the other side where the moments you remember are more of the ones you want to remember and not the pain you are currently feeling. What I did NOT say was to lean into it ALONE. You have a wife, other family and friends that you can lean on with all of your weight and we will hold you up until you can stand again. I am here for you just as I always have been. Whenever you need or want to talk or just have someone listen, I’m here. There is no such thing as too early or too late.

~ Draoun

And he’s right. You may not see me, but spiritually, you’re not alone. So whatever that pain looks like for you, get ready to take a few moments in the quietness of your soul and environment. But like my friend said, I didn’t say to do it alone. You can experience this with God, family and friends. Don’t be shy.

Don’t give into the pride of being perceived as tough. Lets get to a place where we are living with peace through that which is causing pain. If you were sitting across from me right now and I asked what your pain is…what would come to mind for you?

PAIN

Identifying your pain—is where you start not being lost in whats been taken, because whats been taken is what is causing your pain and influencing your life choices to consequences. Hence lost.

Like for me right now, I’m doing a balancing act by resisting the urge to react to the pain and suffering of the world learned through social media about stocks, coronavirus, injustices, politics, relationships, religion, while covertly getting through work day after day dealing with my responsibilities as a husband, uncle, brother, and friend.

Notice how I said “covertly getting through”. That means somethings wrong. The emotions that encompass the aforementioned reveals unspoken pain of which needs addressed because its’ influencing how I perform in all aspects of my life. So let the healing begin!

HEALING

Whether you’re reading this on your phone or on a computer, it is at this point you set it aside and think about what ails you. What causes you pain?

Don’t avoid that question as you would a confrontation, rather…confront that question headlong. Be real, raw, and authentic! Think of it as being in a place somewhere free, a cabin in the mountains maybe, or even a coffee shop that you feel like you own (even if you actually do) and journal what causes you pain and why.

Shoot! Even this post can become your journal place, that’s what the comments are for.

But as you do this, and take it seriously with time, you’ll start noticing periodic elevations in energy with a proactive desire to accomplish peace and live life to its’ fullest potential. Now here is where it gets difficult because a part of accomplishing peace is approaching demons you’ve avoided for however long in your life and these demons represent the emotions of hate to the extent of suppression, indifference, or even murder for the people or circumstances that hurt you to the core.

You need to remove these demons by releasing that energy or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

GRIEVE

God can handle the most worst possible pain you’ve experienced or even can imagine to experience. Let it out… share it… cry…

Don’t hold anything back, use your God given language to speak what is in your heart and listen… and I mean really listen …because God is handling it with you by making the choice at your own will to acknowledge that God can actually help you.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy or even simple, but the point is that you’re free…not bound by what laws you’ve created for yourself to be enslaved to. YOU ARE FREE! NOW GO AND LIVE IN FREEDOM!

In love…

Nathan Dooley

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