About 30 Years of Age

23 When He began His ministry, Jesus Himself was about thirty years of age,…” Luke 3


 

Reaching the world

Do you enjoy parallels?  I very much enjoy parallels.  And I have one I’d like to share but will require some action from you.  Even if you don’t care for “parallels”… I’m confident this will be fascinating!  Are you familiar with the fruit of an orange?

Fruit

This fruit looks good and ready to eat, appealing to the eyes, expecting to provide nourishment.  Because we’re knowledgeable “beings” can immediately identify the fruit in the image above.  How long do you think I have before taking the first bite?  Not long at all; a moment to decide, but seconds before… The “bite”.  In a conversation with myself, it is not difficult to reject a fruit that is “forbidden”.

 

However, if that same fruit came from the hand of my wife.  That changes everything.  I trust my wife to give me good fruit.  And, I’m all the more convinced that the fruit is good when she is sharing it from her hand.  But what if my wife received the fruit based on a lie?  What if the transaction for this fruit was accomplished by an evil agenda to get her husband’s life insurance?  Or, too… Betray him with “wealth”, “wisdom”, and “power” by involving him on the “deal” that she previously made?

The Frontiers of Salvation

Featured photo: Ben Jacobi www.bdjphoto.com

As I peer out into the distance of a stretch of land and gaze upon a fence.  What does that fence mean?  Why is it there?  To what purpose?  Every reader (myself included) has a fence depicted as the one in the photo but unseen by the naked eyes.  This is the last post of what would be themed conceptually as, “A Reader’s Spiritual Threshold”.  

In walking the line of every fence encountered by my life (spiritually speaking); there comes a threshold, an entrance point (sill to a gate, door, opening) into the mysterious piece of land yet to be walked upon by my feet.  To read this post is permitting these words to walk inside your mind as though invited.  To do this without first being permitted is breaching the threshold of your conscience. — {Consider: Lucifer disguised himself in the form of a serpent as part of God’s creation on earth to approach the woman with a message, yet… Gabriel also a part of God’s creation in divine appearance approached Mary with a message.  Which message was of God?} — But if permitted, then to convey a message of enlightenment (truth) to your soul.  The choice of whether to receive these words as true is determined by your discernment of my spirit.  Just as fore mentioned in the previous two posts that “you’ve been breached with a lie“.  Also.  You’ve been approached with the truth.

 


17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3)


I have not received permission to step inside your mind.  Yet here we are writing and reading.  Something like a psychological dialogue; beside the point.  Permission is granted through the course of Jesus’ life here on this earth in the flesh.  Those saved are given a seal of the Holy Spirit that renews and transforms our character from glory to glory.  And, as no different than a complete stranger interjecting themselves in the course of your life for an unknown cause (other than anxiety) to interrupt, so too am I with these writings.  But with a message that will preserve your soul for eternity with Jesus Christ.  Not to violate you with a lie.  Where the violation comes is words used to influence your character… to my advantage for a self righteous arrogant agenda, “Look at my production”.  I could say that my “key” interest is finding out whether you’ve received salvation for an eternal life in Christ the Savior.  But how would you believe that unless first acknowledging a necessity for salvation?  That convincing will not come by me, but you… God gives the increase.  The testimony about Jesus is real and true because no being is capable of such a story other than God Himself.  I’m a sinner saved by grace.  I will not violate my readers by finagling words that fit my agenda or please my prideful perverted desires.  Although… How pleasing it must seem, to be known as an icon.  Leaving the mark “unforgotten” in the course of time.  Always remembered, admired, and praised to the glory of myself.  My name written in the history books as someone significant, perceived as the “genius who invented freedom” or the “one to establish the ‘cure’ from death”.  Just as fore mentioned, “you’re being violated right now” by your own perverted agenda to what supposedly will accomplish a well lived life.

I used the title in the previous post for attempt at a psychological affect, intrigue interest “What?!  What does that mean?”.  I was “fishing for a catch” but without bait.  That doesn’t mean my strategy worked… Yet!  But just means that was my intention.  I look around and see privilege; listen and hear memories past.  Our relational intimacy with God is fainting.  I’m driven to inspire out of that death mentality.  So to halt the train of thought from a busyness of life needed something that would bring about a question.  Something that even Moses would turn aside to checkout something AWESOME!  Every breath we breathe is ordained.  The Word of God is the seed of life in our breath, “I’m alive!”.  You and I are met by that resuscitation of God.  The fact we are breathing together in this same atmosphere is a miracle.  Because how can something dead, be alive to breathe?  That is how I know we can relate to one another in the purest form of intimacy with God.  We are consciously aware of our existence and simultaneously exchanging chemical data in every breath received by God to give one to another.  That is what these posts are about and represent… data from the “black hole” of Nathan’s soul, renewed and transformed to transmit a message to you… Reader.  You’re loved by God.

 

Liminal at the Limen of Liminality

Featured photo: Ben Jacobi www.bdjphoto.com 

What!  “What does that mean?”.  Reader, I’m with you.  In the previous post the violation occurred through the mouth of a serpent that injected a seed of disease.  But you already knew that because of experiencing it day by day in some form or fashion.  This post!  However.  Will cause your train of thought to halt.  Because the realization hasn’t sunk in yet.  You’re being violated right now.  The eternal sensation of love with divine authority is fainting.

The human race has become so accustom to death that eternal life is Liminal.  Meaning that our sensation of being eternally alive is fainting.  We’ve forgotten our beginning; how we were made; our purpose.  Take a moment to breathe.  “Breathing”, is an action not limited by color, creed, or calculation; it is given and received by all Mankind.  We breathe together because of equality with God.  God breathes, we breathe.  The difference is production.  How does God breathe?

Reading this far, are you aware of how many breaths you’ve breathed (that is weird coming off the tongue)?  There is no emotion to express or words to explain the level of intimacy you have with God at this very moment.  I’ve asked myself whether God used words to speak my being into existence or is every breath breathed, without words.  But simply, received?  As the experience of a mutually agreed kiss to resuscitation… “I’m alive!?”.  Reader, are you alive?  Have you received the gift to breathe?

Inspire

Does divine inspiration cause concern or question?  Thinking to myself, “Wait. Am I… ‘God’?”.  Obviously not, but the principle of it.  Does not intimacy with God mean to become one with God?  Yet.  God is not a product of sin!  I’m not a product of sin!  So what does this mean?  Our diseased condition is a by-product of divine mal-practice by a spiritual being named Lucifer.  Is that agreed?  Is an eternal spirit judged by flesh?  I would say, “No.”.  My mind and flesh are a living condition that expresses two natures.

  1. Good
  2. Evil

Confessing the evil nature of my desires is the Limen of Liminality.  Meaning to cross a threshold into divine authority, from anonymity to belonging to a name above every name.  Having the knowledge of good and evil does not mean I possess “good” or “evil”.  The “will” to do “good” is present in me but not the possession of it.  In my mind I serve the law of God but my body is experiencing the law of sin; which is the result of a disobedient act that causes an experiential consequence; my inevitable death of this body.  However, this Liminality is where I’ve discovered rank with Jesus as my authoritative practice to master, the sin of my desires.  I was fooled to think that every breath I breathed was a form of debt, never to be paid; until the revelation of Jesus Christ.  Thank you Lord.  Peace be with you, Reader.  I love you.


15 For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, 16 do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might 20 which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 22 And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. (Ephesians 1)


 

Breaching the Threshold

Featured photo: Ben Jacobi www.bdjphoto.com 

Perversion” from English to Hebrew is translated, ” סְטִיָה “.  Translate that same Hebrew word back to English with google translator and you’ll find, “Deviation“.  When I’ve deviated from the truth of my nature as God made me, becomes a disease.  Genesis 3 is where I found the reason for an inherent deviation in my nature; having a desire for perversion.  “Why-How”, I’d ask myself.  I mean, “I know that it’s wrong”.  It is so “attractive” to have a “secret” that connects me to this other person or to have knowledge by an experience no one else has.  In speaking with a brother just last night about this disease… confessed one to another certain thoughts and matters of the heart that if acted upon would cause destruction.  You’ve been breached with a lie. God in His mercy and amazing grace gave my brother a name to identify this disease.

When you look at this photo, what do you see?  It’s intense and deep, Right!  Well…

Remember Me

It’s me “breaking wind”, it smells real bad! (That’s how to identify this disease)  Ju…st kidding!  Really though.  Reader, whenever you look at your life and see what is spiritually wrong.  Will be given a choice in that moment of whether you’ll continue or listen.  Just as I wrote in the previous blog, “there is an escape”!  I pray you’ll believe me.  It is a moment by moment daily struggle and spiritual war that we face.  You are not alone.  There are innumerable thought patterns that flood our system with desired responses.  The art of a right response will begin and form within ourselves by aligning to the true nature of a Holy God.  This is why meditating on the Word of God is vital!  After having a blessed time with my brother in Christ last night, at Napoli’s Italian restaurant, am convinced that the Hebrew language is a spiritual one.  And, this western language of English is a worldly one.  When I close my eyes to examine myself, see what the nature of sin has cause me to know and understand.  And… it’s painful.  I’m broken.  But also see how I’m being restored through faithfully abiding in the Word of God with my brother’s, sister’s, mother’s and father’s… in Christ. 


11 Prescribe and teach these things. 12 Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 13 Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. 14 Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. 15 Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. 16 Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. (1 Timothy 4)


Perversion breached the threshold of what God saw to be good.  All creation was initially created as good because God is good.  A spiritually evil agenda manifested through the tongue of a serpent.  How can what was evil breach that which is good?  The answer I’ve discovered is, “choice”.  Although I myself am governed to live with the choices I’ve made did not choose to have this life.  It was given by nature of design.  Recognizing this has saved me from death, to commit suicide.  Yah.. I’ve thought of myself being taller with muscles to spare and intellect not compared, but to what gain?  I’m thankful to have life born in Eternity with God than a life breached by a threshold to sin.  Confess yourself to God.  I love you.

I see you, you see Me

Chemistry

“Whoa!”.  “What is this, I feel!?”.  “I didn’t like you, but now… It’s real!”.  “What is this… Chemistry?  ‘It’s foreign.'”.  “Where did it come from?”.  “I see you, you see me.”.  “Our mouths are not moving, but the truth ‘speaks’.”.  “I’m convicted, ‘flee!’.”.  “But the passion of my heart burns to see!”. “Who says ‘no’ to this ecstasy?”.  “So where is my ‘angle’?”.  “When is the time and how will I know?”.  “This ‘taste’, to be liked.”.  “I’m sought to be known!”.  “The venom is piercing from vein to bone!”.  “I’m losing control!”.  “Help me, God!”.  “There’s nowhere to go!”. 

Profile

Adolescence, doesn’t seem to fit the profile of it’ definition.  There is a period between puberty into maturity, but at what age is the point of maturity?  Although I didn’t reach puberty until a junior in high school.  I was educated by design that procreation was pleasure.  I was not educated about the spiritual meaning.  Marriage is a covenant.  The pleasures of this life are fleeting.  So I occupied myself with mischievous thoughts and fantasies of malpractice.  I think our adolescent profiles need to change, or rather, become educated about the spiritual aspect to our adolescence.  Reader, I’ll need your help if you agree.  If we had been educated about the spiritual aspect of our changing nature and desire during youth could have prevented a series of mistakes that effect everything.  But without you, Reader.  Can a spec of dust effect the vast universe of particles?  After all, that is all of what I am.  A spec of dust; vapor in the wind (if you will), amidst the cosmic order of creation.  So the purpose to influence a person or society with change is next to hitting the lottery, in comparison.  What is the protocol for telling people about their salvation by way of Jesus Christ sending the Holy Spirit into their life?  The “instruction manual” (Bible) for this procedure is very difficult to understand without someone to teach me the truth about my nature and desires.  I’ll need help.

Scenario

Have you ever been unexpectedly forgiven, loved and cherished after confessing certain truths about mistakes that were made?  Knowing already, that the answer to your own question is “undeserving of forgiveness and justifiably deemed unworthy of deliverance from whatever the consequence”?  I have been unexpectedly forgiven.  Reader, my prayer is that you’ll know for yourself, “…have mercy on me, a sinner.”.  My saint of a grandmother forgave me from what I deserved.  Why?  I didn’t deserve a place in her life.  She had every right to send me on my way.  But, she gave me life.  It has been difficult for me to make sense of this.  I’d taken advantage of her gift to care; shelter over my head, clothes on my back, food in my belly, and water to quench the flame.  I “snuck” a lesbian[?] stripper into her home.  And that is but one scenario among others to my shame.  In the processes of my weaknesses; God granted me mercy, forgiveness, and is still healing me to His glory.  I pray this post finds you in your struggle as not only telling you “I can relate”, but that Jesus related beyond relation to the extent of dying… experiencing this place of death although innocent.  Sin is not worth the troubled whispers of lies that only prove a fearful expectation.  There is an expected award for obedience which also means an expected consequence for disobedience.  No different than our prisons in this life, am confident of a prison in the next.  The church is the devils playground; salvation is the game, and vulnerability, his poise.  I see more and more teachers, leaders, and preachers pressed to the limit of their heart’ desires and pride as “untouched by sin because of grace”.  My spirit aches and mourns because of unconfessed sins.  People that fear their own reputation instead of God.  

Secretary

Will the King of a palace say to his trusted counsel, -“Help!  My ‘eye’ is on a woman that is not the Queen”-.  And will the counsel dare reply the King, -“We will pluck that woman out, my King! It is a sin against God; turn from it, and be healed.”-.  Now with the Spirit of God, the Secretary perceived the King’s desire and said to herself, -“God, how should I move, or should I? The King’s eye is upon me. What of my husband? ‘Would he listen or be willing to understand?’. And… what of our family?”-.  This Secretary is the “breadwinner” of her family and the husband a stay at home dad.  This King is good looking and could position this Secretary as Queen.  The Queen says, -“God, my God, thank you for leaving Your palace for the sake of my salvation. Please teach me how You are to be honored in my marriage and position to this throne. Give my Husband the wisdom to lead as You have served.”.  The palace of this kingdom has been compromised by lust but each character has a decision to be made.  Every character is at risk of having to sacrifice something; reputation (eye), life, wealth, and love.

Help

Reader, you are reading this post for a reason.  I’m thankful for the relationship we can have even in this connection of “words on screen”.  I’ve underestimated the power of escape that God provides through knowing His Son by way of the Holy Spirit.  There is always an escape from the desire of sinful practice luring beneath the surface of our skin.  There is a consequential experience (awakening) to a reality that was left covered for a reason.  The mystery to life beyond the grave is real.  My conscience has been torn and ripped apart too many times to sit around for a “well spoken of” reputation that remains enslaved to evil devices common to man.  There is an escape!  Because my God says so!

 

River Course to Recovery

Featured photo: Ben Jacobi www.bdjphoto.com 

Re:generation

Monday’s are when Laura and I meet at Watermark only to be separated by a program that takes us on a journey to recovery from struggles (or spiritual diseases that eat away at our psyche).  To name a few:

  • Abused (Physically/Verbally/Emotionally/Sexually)
  • Abortion
  • Acceptance/ fear of rejection
  • Anger/Rage/Escalation
  • Anxiety
  • Body image
  • Cheating
  • Critical Spirit/Complaining
  • Debt
  • Defined by my past
  • Divorce/Separation
  • Drugs/Substance Abuse/Pills
  • Drunkenness
  • Emotional dependency
  • Evil thoughts/actions
  • Fear
  • Greed/Selfishness/Love of Money
  • Insecurity
  • Isolation/Withdraw
  • Lust
  • Lying/Deceit/Dishonesty
  • Masturbation
  • Pride/Self Righteousness
  • Sexual immorality/fornication
  • Stress
  • Unforgiveness
  • Voyeurism
  • Worry

The list is much longer, alarming, and questioning, but stem from three main roots identifiable here.  The program is a heavy load to bear, but worth it.  I’ll assure you.  The step group of men I’ve been assigned with have just completed the “3rd Step” heading into “Inventory” (4th Step) to a 12 Step—year long process for understanding, healing, and change.  Inventory is where I’ll be enduring the “max” weight of the process, with my band of brothers to “spot” the weight.  This is the equivalent of what it takes to be a Navy Seal but from a spiritual perspective.  The determination that qualifies my recovery is entirely between me and the Holy Spirit of God.  Will I qualify?

Spiritual Warfare

warfareRaised attending church and later even considered a PK (Preacher’s kid); having been sexually molested and abused as a child; medicated the majority of my life for ADD/ADHD (Ritalin, Strattera, Adderall, and Vyvanse); devastated by my parents divorce, depressed and confused; addicted to pornography; emotionally and physically manipulated and abused; exposed to and experienced sexual misconduct and immorality; disowned family while abandoned by family; experienced drugs and transported; the hypocrite of hypocrites; liar and deceiver, hiding my pain with the guilt of others shame; holes in my doors and walls, angry at everything; dead to the world with literal broken bones, hydrocodone, and time to kill; finally, the truth is but a question still, “Am I Forgiven?”.  I’ve said to myself over and over again, “‘But’ this.  And, ‘but’ that.”.  In response to not understanding or trusting that I’m truly loved by God.  So for me to accept a truth that such evil could be forgiven, was intolerable, “It can’t be!  Impossible!  How?”.  I’d make the claim, “My sexual reproductive system ‘justifies’ the act of my ‘second glance’ that deems me guilty of committing adultery according to the preacher’s preaching.”.  Then I must be already on a river course to Hell.  Why would this life permit such evil “freedoms” in respect of (not getting caught) governmental laws and city ordinances that would convict me otherwise, if not to subtly and discreetly enjoy?  So, my flesh would say in its sin, “What happens in this life ‘stays’ in this life.”, after all, “It’s forgiven.”.  Reader, do you hear that pride?  According to biblical standards; offering up my blood as payment for a place in the Kingdom of God will not suffice for a Holy God and will have to (justifiably) come to a verdict, “guilty of sin”.  I am incapable of bearing the weight of my sin and no amount of money will free me from the truth within the “needle” (death penalty) that awaits me.  Have I been abandoned by God?

Qualified

Around the age of 16 I’d disowned my dad (Jim Dooley) and denounced him to the “biological father” status with an agenda to prove the point.  When my dad would approach me with open arms for a hug, I’d refuse; or again with a hand shake, in public, still refuse.  On my graduation day in front of all my fellow classmates and peers had my name called out as my step-dad’s last name, “Powell”.  To make it clear with my legal name change that I would have nothing to do with Jim.  It wasn’t until I was so broken (literally) alone in my home, finding a letter from my dad that wrote “I love you” all over the face of it and inside, the desired expression to have a “relationship again”.  When I had first received this card, I’d thrown it aside thinking it not to be found ever again… Until.  There is a part of the story with powerful significance to this letter that will have to come in a later post.  Amidst the lies of the enemy that would cloud my judgment and ability to discern right from wrong realized I had the ability to forgive Jim.  It had nothing to do with anything my dad had done wrong.  Only the fact that I had the power to forgive.  Get this!  Even having the knowledge of all that has been done wrong in not only my life, but my family’s, left me in a position to choose the next step.  Will I forgive it all?  All that was presented and lain before you in my life above.  Have I forgiven it? And, am I forgiven?  I broke down sobbing with snot and tears when realizing that God was speaking to me in that letter, “I love you” — “I hope to have a relationship with you again”.  My lust, pride, and insecurities had me blind to the nature of God as my Father.  It was not until the “prodigal son” would call his dad asking the right to his last name again, “Dooley”, that I’d taken the step to become a prodigal son of my Heavenly Father.  The most difficult part about forgiveness is trusting its integrity.  It was only until yesterday that I’d decided to truly trust the Word of God without a “but” to deter my focus from that truth.  That faith in The Word of God, is how I’m qualified!


12 His eyes are a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. 13 He is clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. 14 And the armies which are in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, were following Him on white horses.


 

Nathan’s Change of Course

Featured photo: Ben Jacobi www.bdjphoto.com 

 

Hi, my name is Nathan. … “Since birth my life has been a winding river changing direction with no end in sight or ‘right’ turn to make.  That-about-sums-it-up.  Until next time.  Peace be with you.”—

 

 

 

It’s funny, I’ve felt that as being heavily the case for this blog site and especially my life here recently.  Thinking to myself, “How can a confused person write blogs about direction without direction?”.  If you’re laughing?  I’m “chuckling” with you in embarrassment, “brushing off the dust of my pride”.  I’ve changed course to a new direction or rather, “the direction of my river has changed course by no power of mine“.  If you’ve “stumbled” across this site as result of this post for the first time, it’s nice to meet you.  Don’t run off.  Consider exploring through the “menu”.  If you’re familiar with this site, please consider revisiting the “menu items” and prepare to be inspired by the changes only a real God influences!  We are seriously loved!

Reader, I have questions coming from way up high, “Left, no.. Right field! Right field”!  What river path of life are you on?  (You will get a glimpse of my path by investigating this site as an example but hope will discover my heart as true in the process?).  Do you know the spiritual direction of your life?  (I know that my spiritual direction has brought me to “here and now” writing to you.).  Why has our courses clashed?  (That is a theory that only one person in the world has proved.).

Are you willing to join me on a journey?  Please, invite your family and bring your friends to explore your answers to these questions.  Our journey will renew the mind and take us out of this world!